Monday, February 13, 2006

Comedians say the funniest things

Nearly forgot to post about the odd Q&A with Alexei Sayle in the Observer yesterday. It's a bit weird for a number of reasons:

1. I get envious of other people's success: In my head I have a kind of league table. Steven Spielberg is at the top. Just above me are people like Johnny Vaughan. But when you compute the higher academic regard I have against his listening figures I think I'm ahead.

Err. Tosser. He's obviously got a problem with Johnny Vaughan (fair enough), and there's no way he means 'people like JV', he actually means him. But to accord yourself higher academic regard than a non-national radio DJ devoted to light chat and inoffensive chart music - the sound of straws being grasped is fairly audible.

2. Whipping up a mob of 2,000 fans in Derby is like getting high on crack. Being a writer brings a more sustained high. As I get older I prefer the more diffuse fawning and intellectual obeisance.

Hmm. Really? This will be another reference to your high academic regard then. In case we didn't notice the first time you mentioned it. Has a pimply third year at the University of Roehampton Institute of Tolkein Studies done a piece of core module course work on you? Double tosser.

3. I've been compared to Stendhal, Maupassant and Waugh, and I think rightly so. I've got a talent. There's snobbery if you've had another life before, but Dickens had another life first.

Double tosser with a sprinkling of twat dust. I might have thought he was being ironic and po-mo cool had I not read the first two entries. He's just being a twat. Yes, Dickens did have a life before. But it wasn't wearing tight trousers and shouting unfunny things on other people's TV shows.

Then, however, comes the best bit.

I met Nelson Mandela once and I thought, 'I know your type.' I'd met commies like him through me mum and dad. Very dapper and charming, but I bet on some level he's very manipulative and cold. He'd soon let you know who was in charge.

Now there's no way he's joking here. And despite the wanky pseudo-regionalism affected with 'me mum and dad' you can tell that he means it. I don't think I've ever read a negative comment about Nelson Mandela (apart from the mad Thatcher types at the time of the collapse of Apartheid) and this always makes me suspicious. There's no way that someone gets to lead a political party, survive 30 odd years in prison (and a good stretch welded to Winnie) and ultimately lead a huge nation by being the sort of kitten stroking harmless buffer who gets Naomi Campbell, Geri Halliwell and Bono wetting their knick-knacks over him on TV every other weekday without a seam of hard faced cunning, guile and determination somewhere in him. Not that this makes him a 'bad' person. But it surely makes him a real person and not the neutered, Mohammed Ali style muted icon he is slowly becoming...

So anyway. One oddly interesting point amidst a load of cack.


Blogger Fuckkit said...

Double tosser with a sprinkling of twat dust. Heh heh, excellent :)

9:45 pm  
Blogger Bournemouth Runner said...

Lets be honest: what's Alexei going to be remembered for? The Books or the Young Ones. Probably neither - what about...Ullo John Got a New Motor, ridiculous immortality as Milan Kundera would have it.

12:20 pm  
Blogger c&v said...

or more likely, his toshiba advert contribution... radical hmm?

3:03 pm  

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